Almost Kenya or Almost, Kenya
The house was our first introduction to what our friends fondly call, Almost Kenya, referring to the sincere attempts to be everything westerners might hope for and expect, but not quite making it. An example we chuckled over for months was the very fancy jacuzzi tubs in all three bathrooms. They feature prominently in the Airbnb photos and we thought it was a sign of a modern home with all the amenities. A few days into our stay, Jordan decides to take a bath, a ritual that has entertained and calmed him since birth. He eeks out enough hot water, gets in, and the tub empties itself through the jets and tile walls onto the bathroom floor.
When the maintenance guy and manager come the next day, they look at each other and nod. Yes, they say, this bathtub doesn’t work. They’ve taken the motor to be repaired and you can’t fill the tub because it will just leak out through the jets. How long has it not been working? They look at each and back at me, about 2 weeks. I smile, sure, I say. When will it be fixed? Oh, only a few days. I smile. Sure, I say. By the way, they tell me, the bathtub in the primary bedroom has the same problem. Oh, I raise my eyebrows, of course. And how about the one in the guest room, I ask? Ah, that one, too. I just smile and nod. “Hakuna matata,” no worries.
Other Almost, Kenya chuckles:
The Weston Hotel (not a Westin…)
Taking inventory of our airbnb - an 8-page list of every item in the house, including items bolted to walls. Yet uncounted were the storage closets full of towels and linens. I asked if I could use them if needed. “Of course!”
Radio stations that play America’s greatest hit ballads from the 80s and 90s. Yes, Mariah!
Signs all over walls along the highway that say, “no signs allowed”
Signs on all sorts of property walls warning prospective buyers that the land is “NOT FOR SALE”
A highway pork restaurant with the tagline, “Your Daily Dose of Pleasure”
Another language quirk: One person says, “Hi!” and the response is, “Hi, too!”. Same for “Bye!” - “Bye, too!”
In Swahili, the literal translation for ‘leftovers’ is ‘food that has slept’.
The Lion King was right, Hakuna Matata means no worries, and it is a common phrase in Swahili. We loved it every time.
In spite of such huge poverty and great wealth, Kenya pioneered the cashless economy. Their M-Pesa system is secure, easy and literally everyone has it. We never carried cash and used M-Pesa for nearly every transaction, from something as small as $.25 up to hundreds of dollars. It is definitely the way of the future.
Kenyans are truly wonderful, warm people. An example we still talk about with astonishment was on our way to the airport. Russ and I have to get out of the car to walk through a security area (but in Almost, Kenya fashion, the kids and driver stay in the car??). Russ and I got back in the car after security and about a half-mile closer to the airport he realized he lost his prescription glasses. While grieving their loss, a car pulls up next to us waving his glasses out the window! They must have seen him drop them and they followed us all the way to the terminal to give them back.
All of these things are part of the magic of Kenya.
