What the Hegg? (And Biking In Tuscany)
The things sisters do for each other. For Chrissy’s 40th birthday, she wanted to go on a bike ride/tour through Tuscany with Senol, Russ and I. Christina is a Peloton Groupie with a capital G. She bikes every day in her basement, crowned in sweat. She does not wake up for mediocrity! Senol has completed an Ironman so he basically bikes 30-100 miles every now and then for fun. Russ was smart and got the e-bike. He is smiling in all the photos because his bike does the work for him. I suffered up every hill, feared my brakes would go out on every downhill and my hands hurt from clenching the handle bars so tightly. I am not a biker.
That said, it was an experience of a lifetime and the scenery was just unbelievable. Each hilltop revealed a view more delightful than the last.
So, let’s start with some thanks. Huge shout out to Auntie KK and Auntie Britt, Grammy and Grandaddy, who agreed to watch the kids all day. I could not have suffered so much without their help.
The four bikers met up with our guide and van driver, Lorenzo (“you can call me Larry, I’m a big fan of Larry David”). I obviously only choose the best for my sister’s birthday bike trip because Larry Lorenzo’s company shirt promised to ‘Put The Fun Between Your Legs.’
We met at a medieval castle and Larry Lorenzo fitted our bikes and gave us a crash course on shifting gears. It sounded easy - I mean, we all know how to ride a bike. Ha. Larry Lorenzo led the way in the van and we followed, with Russ bringing up the rear on his he-bike (Larry Lorenzo says he for ‘e’, a highlight of our day).
Before biking in Tuscany one should remember it is all rolling hills. Idyllic in a car, even better in a convertible, grueling on a bike. I did not make it up the first hill without walking my bike. By mile 6 when we stopped for water and photos, I was sure we were done. By mile 15, I was so glad to be done and know that I was never getting on a bike again in my life. Larry Lorenzo loaded the bikes and the sweaty four into the van. We headed off to lunch then a wine tasting.
It was at this point we made the grave mistake of telling Larry Lorenzo about truffle hunting and what a great time we had. We even told him about the shortcut we learned for poaching eggs! The truffle family shared this with us: crack the egg into plastic wrap and cinch the wrap like a little sack. Place all the sacks of eggs into the simmering water and they keep their shape and are done at the same time.
Well, the use of a short cut - and one that included plastic wrap- offended Larry Lorenzo immensely. He was passionately angry about this, that we might meet Italians who would commit such a crime against a hegg and that we would be so American to be excited about a shortcut using plastic. For Larry Lorenzo, it doesn’t take but 2-3 minutes to poach a Hegg. Poaching heggs isn’t hard. Who doesn’t have 2-3 minutes for quality heggs? Even when Larry Lorenzo has guests over he would poach his heggs without such corruption. We tried to change the subject as we were walking on heggshells (sorry!!!) for the rest of the conversation. Our efforts were in vain, Larry Lorenzo kept returning to the violation of the plastic poached heggs.
Regardless, we had a lovely quick lunch in San Gimigniano - delicious sandwiches sitting on the steps of the town square packed with people and pigeons - and did some frantic last minute birthday shopping for Rosie.
Then Larry Lorenzo took us to a family home for a wine tasting. We were hosted by an adorable, older Tuscan couple and entertained by their 3-year-old grandson. We chatted with them in the shade of their beautiful yard overlooking acres of olive trees and grapevines. We learned about their fairly large farm and how they make and sell wine and olive oil. Chrissy captured it best: all Italians are passionate about something - truffles, olives, wine, bread, how to poach a hegg…. We bought some wine and olive oil and left feeling like family.
After a long day with many highlights, including my survival of a bit of the Tour d’ Tuscany and our collective survival of the great hegg offense of Larry Lorenzo, we returned to our weary babysitters. It was a wonderful day and incredibly special because the four of us don’t often get to hang out together sans children. We came away from the day with hilarious memories and two certainties: next time I will get a he-bike and we will never eat another hegg without thinking of Larry Lorenzo.
